First, ugh, sweet angel and mama!!!! I’m not saying this is the entire solution but could potentially be a part of the puzzle… have you checked vitamin deficiencies? My kids need more iron when they are going through growth spurts which causes them to be emotional. Don’t supplement iron without consulting pediatrician first. But maybe a round of lab work is worth it?
Also, I assume she’s sleeping enough? My kids cannot emotionally regulate without sleep and they need 11 hours.
Hopefully an OT or therapist might have some advice too.