I am going to share something that helped me personally and something I share with my clients all the time... I remember when I first heard about the 5 Love Languages and honestly, I remember rolling my eyes lol.

That was until my relationship imploded and I had no idea why. So what did I do? I decided to actually read the book and I quickly understood why that relationship did not work out! (So thankful it didn't work out though lol)
The thing is, I didn't even truly understand my love language and what I actually needed. And this book helped a ton!

Fast forward the next relationship to the man who is now my husband...
This time I made sure I understand his love language and I had to help him understand mine. I know it sucks a little bit, but as women we actually have to teach our partners how to love us...because well, we are complicated and no one can read our minds haha

If you don’t know your love language, I highly encourage you to take The 5 Love Languages Quiz. It’s easy, insightful, and it can be a game changer when it comes to building stronger connections and relationships, not just with your significant other but also with friends and family. So, ask your partner to take the quiz as well so you both know exactly what each other needs!

I encourage a lot of women to do this and explain to their husbands what EXACTLY they are needing. Because I'm going to be real honest... MENS BRAINS DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS. They do not read between the lines and they do not get it unless told. I literally have to remind my husband about every two weeks that he needs to speak my love language (Quality Time) or he will quickly have a wife who will shut down.

Lastly, here is an example of how to explain it: "Husband, the way you need sex to feel loved is different for me. I need some quality time in order to feel loved. If I am not getting that from you, it feels a lot like you feel when you do not receive physical touch from me. I need my needs to be met in this way in order to want to meet your needs in return".
And then lay it out for him by stating exactly what we you need. If you he needs a gentle reminder every two weeks give it to him... hopefully at some point it becomes the way you guys operate together.

Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes

Hope this helps

I love this question so much!

When I started my journey I started with "Mindfulness Drinking". I decided to figure out how many drinks was a good time and what amount of drinks was too much. Back in the day, my cut off was 3 drinks. I found that 3 drinks was a good time but nothing good usually happened after 3 drinks. So I started with that limit for myself.

Then I moved to setting boundaries around when I drank alcohol. My first boundary was no alcohol Sunday-Wednesday.
All of these boundaries really just helped my brain. I did not have to spend time thinking about all things surrounding drinking...Should I have a drink? How many? Have I drank too much? How will feel in the morning? Wait, what do I have to do in the morning? LOL
I LOVED not spending any energy on it. I stuck with my plan of only drinking certain days and only 3 drinks at a time.

Then, one year I did dry January for the first time and that was a game-changer for me! I literally went through each grieving step over the course of that first dry January. It was very informative and I have done dry January every year after that. I feel like it is just a nice reset for my body and brain.

In 2024, I set the intention for it to be my year of "healing". I started with dry January and it just kept going. I ended up not having a drink until my birthday on June 16th. Now, I stick to one drink at a time and only drink at special events or holidays. I think I ended up drinking about 15 drinks total this year. My body and liver have healed and I have never felt better!

The cutting-back-on-drinking journey is individualistic. So, try to do what is best for you and do what your body is telling you. When I started listening to what my body needed/wanted my whole life changed. It's a process for sure, so one step at a time is best

Definitely a Mom that always said, “I will NEVER EVER drive a minivan”. Do I drive a minivan? Yes, I do lol
We love our Honda Odessey! The sliding doors, the trunk space and the vacuum inside the car all make it worth it. Definitely not an SUV but thought I’d throw that out there.
Definitely had a “death of the ego” moment when I chose the minivan over an Infinity SUV. But it has been amazing for our family!

As a Therapist, Wife and Mom (and after a lot of very wrong tries) I have been able to narrow down a nice why to communicate my feelings without the other person getting defensive. I now teach this method to all my clients, and it seems to work well when done right. I call it the 3-Step Framework of Communicating.

Here is how it goes…

1. THANK YOU
2. Take Responsibility
3. Statement/Request

Step #1: Thank you…

You ALWAYS want to start with something positive and state what the person does that you are thankful for. This helps keep the person from getting defensive from the start.

So, you can start any conversation with: “Thank you for ______”.

Step #2: Take Responsibility

You don’t want to point fingers. Usually, there is something you are doing that is feeding the problem as well, even if it doesn’t seem like it. And sometimes this might include an apology.

You want to use what is called, “I-Statements” during this step. So, it could sound something like this:

“I have been feeling a little overwhelmed about _______”.
“I am sorry that I have not been more present lately, I have been struggling with ________”.

Step #3: Statement or Request

In this step you want to be very clear about what you want or need. People cannot read your mind and if you do not ask for what you want or need the other person will never know. So, something like this:

“I am needing some help with ______. Do you think you would be able to help with that?”

When talking about parenting you want to make the “parenting” a third-party issue that is something you and your partner are working on together as a team. Ask your partner questions using genuine curiosity. When you ask more questions you will get more answers instead of just assuming you know what is happening.

Here is an example of how this conversation might go when addressing parenting…

To my husband:

Thank you so much for all you have been doing to provide for our family. I see how hard you work, and I am thankful.
I feel like I have been a little distracted lately and maybe a little irritated. I am sorry if I have been taking it out on you.
Lately, I am feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that has to do with parenting. I was wondering if we could please talk about the areas that might be too much for me. As a team I would love to see if we can come up with some solutions. I feel like I would be a better mom/wife/person if I didn’t feel quite so heavy with all these responsibilities.

*At this point you could list some areas in which you would like to request help.

After you present your part it is best to wait for a response. This usually tells you a lot. If your partner is not willing to participate in the conversation and/or is not willing to help you, then there probably needs to be a different type of conversation.

Reminder: Timing is kind of important. Try to pick the best time your partner will be able to listen to you.

Side Note: Men’s brains do not hold onto information the way women’s do. Please do not think that what you are wanting/needing will magically happen overnight. When asking men for something different it is like planting a seed. Then you must continue to water it until it just becomes what they do.

For example: I will ask my husband for something, and he will crush it for about two weeks. Then it fades away. I used to get mad about it but now I just remind him about every two weeks. Sometimes I write it on a post-it note or the white board so he sees it constantly lol!

Remember, this is all a practice and something you just keep trying. There are two really good books about the brain and how it works for males and females. I highly recommend reading them to better understand your partner and your kids!

The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine
The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine

This 3-Step Framework of Communicating can work for a lot of different conversations. Give it a try and let me know how it goes! Hope it helps!

YOU GOT THIS MAMA!