Masturbation in pool
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My daughter is always finding the jets in the pool and pleasuring herself. She also does this in our jetted tub, which I don’t mind as much because it’s in private. She’ll do it in the pool even when we have guests over at times. She’s 8. I haven’t said anything yet in hopes she’ll get over it, but unsure if that’s the right approach. A friend with son told me he did the same in the pool until his early teens. I don’t want to shame these natural sexual feelings or shut something down for her that’s okay for boys. Should I comment? If so, how?
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I have no formal training in this but I feel like 8yrs old is old enough to say "this is something to do in private and not in the pool with other people". Just my two cents, definitely don't shame her but we have this same conversation with our kids about burping etc "this is something you do in your room or bathroom and not around other people". Also should it be okay for boys? Idk, seems like the same conversation should be happening regardless of gender of keeping that in private.
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Hi! Therapist here- I love that you are asking this question because I bet there are other moms out there with similar questions. This topic can be uncomfortable to talk about but here are some tips:
- developmentally, this is VERY normal
- at this age, kids are just doing these behaviors because it feels “good” or “weird” (they aren’t sexualizing it- it’s just pleasure and curiosity)
- maybe next time she is doing it in the privacy of your hot tub at home, you can have a casual non-shaming conversation with her
- Ex: “Our bodies are really cool and they feel lots of different sensations! It can be fun to explore and be curious about the different parts of our bodies and what they do. Sometimes when we touch our private parts (or you can use the actual private part name) it feels good and that’s totally normal! But it’s something we do in private and not in front of other people. Just like when we go to the bathroom, change clothes, shower, bathe, etc...
- and make sure to let her know she can always come to you and ask anything on this topic in the future
You got this!
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I had a friend experience a very similar thing in the pool, as well as splash pads with her daughter. Most important thing was not shaming the behavior and making a huge deal about it.
They had lots of talks about how that is not something we do in public. She always made it a point to relate to her and call out that I know it can feel funny/good, but that is something that is never done in front of people. Just like we don't show our privates we dont ever touch our privates in public either.
After a few conversations, simple reminders (no shaming) it started to fade and she didn't do it as often.
