15 year old - friends over family
-
My son who is 15 (freshman in high school) is starting to prioritize friends over family, and spending all his free time with friends. I am mourning the relationship and strong bond that we’ve had forever! He’s even not wanting to give hugs anymore ! What can I do to maintain our bond, and also is this normal?!
-
Therapist here- I work with teens and I hear this often from parents. There is often a grief parents feel when this starts to happen. Although it can be a difficult adjustment within the family system, I assure you this differentiation is developmentally normal and important. Teens start to want more independence from their parents and their social relationships become priority. That being said, it’s still critical that they have a connected relationship with their family. Here are some ideas for how to stay connected with your teens during during this stage:
-
If they play a sport or participate in an extracurricular activity- stay involved in this with them as much as possible
-
Create an environment at home that encourages your teen to have their friends over often
-
Weekly, bi-weekly, or even monthly dinners with your teen. They can pick the dinner or the restaurant!
-
Family trips (allow them to bring a friend if possible, trips that have activities where they aren’t on their phones the whole time)
-
Take interest in their world
-
-
From my friends with teen boys, this sounds very normal. I actually think I remember from one of my college psychology classes that this is a healthy part of development. It would be weird if they stayed as close with their mom as when they were in elementary school. I know it must be hard though!!
