Husbands says I’m not “into” sex enough…
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My husband recently told me that I’m “not into sex enough”. Honestly this was major news to me as I feel like I’m doing an amazing job by just showing up for him with everything we have going on. Sometimes I’m into it but normally I’m so exhausted I’m like “okay let’s get this done” but again, I’m still showing up…
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@Black-Zebra oh girl I am right there with you! I wish I had some amazing advice to offer but we are still navigating this same issue. Straight up told my husband if he wants it at that quantity it’s only going to be “quality into it sex” like 25% of the time because that’s literally ALL I have to give. We did talk about different times of day that might be better than at end of day when exhausted…it’s a tough balance and wishing you best of luck!
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Oh man. Let's discuss. Yeah, I had a similar conversation with my husband but I never shoot him down, we have sex once ish a week which I think is miraculous because he also says we are doing too much and has no energy so I'm not sure when he thinks there's time for more sex in there among all that. He said it's a little boring (I did not love his suggestions on how to improve that lol). Someone has to have an idea on this? I keep emphasizing that intimacy is also other things - cuddling (cuddling naked), kissing, talking, etc.
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Yes I would agree that right now with little kids, we’re going for quality over quantity! Honestly it helps me to plan it out which I know takes out the “romance,” but then I know to get my mind right and try to get more in the mood vs. having him spring it on me when we’re done getting kids to bed.
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For me sex is much more enjoyable when the pressure of having it very often is off the table. If we have sex 1- 2 times / week it’s much easier for me to enjoy!! Also setting, mood , no kids all come in to play!!
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I hear you—you're showing up despite exhaustion, and that’s not nothing. His comment might feel surprising, but it could be an opportunity to talk about what he really means. Does he want more frequency, enthusiasm, or connection?
At the same time, your feelings matter too. If sex feels like another item on the to-do list, it might be time to explore ways to make it more enjoyable for you, not just something you do for him. Maybe that means:
- Talking about what you actually enjoy and making sure your needs are met.
- Creating space for connection outside of sex (more small moments of touch, compliments, laughter, etc.).
- Making sure you're not running on empty—because exhaustion is a major mood killer.
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Why is this so hard?!?!? I like morning sex…. Not great timing when you have little kids, but I’m just so tired and touched out at the end of the day!!!!! I just want to veg out and read a book or watch tv. I have told my husband that I do think about having sex with him at times, but when we finally have a free moment I’m just too tired?!? I’d also love a hug that’s just a hug now and then?!? Then, maybe I’d want to have more sex… it’s a vicious cycle!!!!!!! No help, just commiserating and following for other suggestions!
