Mourning Being “Done”
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I was not prepared for the amount of tears I’m having while knowing our family is wonderfully complete…I still just cannot believe I’ll never deliver another little baby or feel the first movements, etc. Am
I nuts? I know we’re complete but I am so distraught about it. -
Not nuts. Solidarity, I've been exactly where you are. I actually won't let me husband get a vasectomy even though I know we are done bc then it really means we're done-I know so dumb, but I am who I am.
I'm sure it goes back to biology, but I have no idea.
All that to say, yes that is so real and you are validated. Right there with you. -
@SpilledMilk thank you 🤍🤍
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I am struggling with the SAME battle over here. I just posted about it as well. I go back and forth about wanting another and I feel like I am older now so much harder to have another. The mourning is real!! Especially if you have all the same gender!!
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Totally can relate, and honestly I feel like how do you know when you are truly done?!
I remind myself financially that more kids are harder, as well as leave it in gods hands. I’ve had a friend get pregnant with a vasectomy, so at the end of the day it’s out of our control!!
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As a grief specialist, I believe that every ending involves a form of grief. Please feel free to take it or leave it but I would suggest these steps..
1)Giving thanks: Take time to reflect on and give thanks for your body and the incredible experiences it has given you. Write down the ways this journey has shaped who you are today and what it has taught you. Celebrate the strength and beauty of the process that brought you joy and desire.
2)Letting go:Letting go of a former version of yourself is a form of grief. Write down everything you are releasing from this experience. It could be expectations, identities, or emotions. Then, hold a symbolic act, like a burning ceremony, to honor this transition. Visualize the person you are becoming, fully immersed in caring for yourself, your family, and your future. Consider what else you need to "birth," whether big or small.
3)Daily Gratitude Practice: Incorporating gratitude into your daily routine is transformative. It was a game changer for me during my second pregnancy and after the loss of my sister. The science behind gratitude’s ability to rewire the brain is remarkable, it helps shift your focus toward joy and resilience. -
@longliveyoung wow. Thank you so so much for this.
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I felt the same way for a long time, but now that my youngest is 2 and I have some distance from the baby years (which I LOVE), I see how my family is moving into a new phase and we have more freedom with no one on a strict nap schedule and only one left in diapers. Now, the things we could only do with the oldest if we had a baby, are easier to do with more kids or as a whole family. It’s still sad but I’m also excited for things to come!
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Just posting for solidarity as well, you are not nuts, I feel this all the time. I have three kids and know we are done but I can’t help but wish I could have more kids, or that I had started younger, etc.
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As someone who has gone thru grief over the loss of a loved one (grief is grief no matter the loss) I will say that it comes in waves and you are never ‘done’ grieving. Give yourself grace and time to process your emotions. Hugs
