3 year old affecting entire family
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Hi. We have three girls, 6, 3 and 9mo. The 3 year old is a high feeling, very intelligent little girl who is in OT to help us handle this but, I need some encouragement and advice. The flying off the handle, screaming bloody murder when she doesn’t get her way…it is killing us. It has seeped into every moment of our lives. We do timers do help with transitions, which doesn’t help. Bedtime is an absolute nightmare, she stays up late and wakes up early. She shares a room with her 6 year old sister, who actually enjoys sleep. She lies, she twists out words on us (“no YOU screamed at ME and hurt ME”). We are hoping OT will help, we’re about three weeks in. We haven’t done OT before and plan to ask at what point do they start addressing these types of behaviors but, can anyone shed some light or encouragement here? We are contemplating having her be in her own room and have the 9 month old and 6 year old share. It’s affecting our 6 year old and we are just at a loss. She responds to nothing. She has cherry picked potty training, she will poop in the potty when she wants but refuses to pee - not because she can’t but because she “doesn’t want to.” SOS. We are exhausted.
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I have no advice, but the encouragement that you are not alone! I have a 3 (almost 4) year old…exactly the same in every way. We are also in OT and I think it’s helping a little…but it’s so hard. We feel like we’re always in fight or flight. The ONLY thing I can say is that I do feel like my son’s intellect and sensitivity will become his superpowers one day. We’re in the hard part now, but imagine having kids who grow into wise and empathetic adults?! AMAZING! We have to continue the hard work of stewarding these children well, in the meantime and it sounds like you are doing everything for your daughter to grow and succeed! Way to go, Mama!
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Gosh I feel like I could have written this, this was me 2 years ago. We were desperate. My husband actually said I am going to write in a journal that you were the WORST 3/4 year old ever. It's exhausting!! I swear we didn't sleep for 2 years either. We actually worked with a parenting coach who's an expert on here (@SustainableMama ) mostly because I felt like we kept trying different things and approaching the situation differently, and then I would approach it one way, and my husband the next way. The parenting coach was able to give us a strategy that we BOTH committed to, and we were able to stay consistent with our punishments, strategy etc. Our girl is now 5, and although it has gotten better she's still my more emotional one.
No sure if you are religious, but I pray for specifics and her on a daily basis as well as for patience for me. It's interesting to watch, over the past 2 years although she is my most difficult she is the one closest to god and has the strongest faith out of all my kids. All this to say it's hard mama and you are doing a great job!!
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Gosh I feel like I could have written this, this was me 2 years ago. We were desperate. My husband actually said I am going to write in a journal that you were the WORST 3/4 year old ever. It's exhausting!! I swear we didn't sleep for 2 years either. We actually worked with a parenting coach who's an expert on here (@SustainableMama ) mostly because I felt like we kept trying different things and approaching the situation differently, and then I would approach it one way, and my husband the next way. The parenting coach was able to give us a strategy that we BOTH committed to, and we were able to stay consistent with our punishments, strategy etc. Our girl is now 5, and although it has gotten better she's still my more emotional one.
No sure if you are religious, but I pray for specifics and her on a daily basis as well as for patience for me. It's interesting to watch, over the past 2 years although she is my most difficult she is the one closest to god and has the strongest faith out of all my kids. All this to say it's hard mama and you are doing a great job!!
@AhMummy thank you so much for this! Yes we are religious…lotttttts of prayers over here for guidance and patience.
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I have no advice, but the encouragement that you are not alone! I have a 3 (almost 4) year old…exactly the same in every way. We are also in OT and I think it’s helping a little…but it’s so hard. We feel like we’re always in fight or flight. The ONLY thing I can say is that I do feel like my son’s intellect and sensitivity will become his superpowers one day. We’re in the hard part now, but imagine having kids who grow into wise and empathetic adults?! AMAZING! We have to continue the hard work of stewarding these children well, in the meantime and it sounds like you are doing everything for your daughter to grow and succeed! Way to go, Mama!
@Kbwd4 thank you! I always say that her IDGAF attitude is commendable and it will serve her so well later in life but man, we are exhausted.
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Ooh this is so hard and I feel it so deeply! First of all good for you for getting her into OT. We did this too for our deep feeling gal and I do think it helped to give us tools and more neutral verbiage. I would ask your OT if they are familiar with the We Thinkers program. Lots of good concepts they go through like why it’s important to stay with the group plan, listen with your whole body, handle disappointments, etc. and again just words that are less reprimanding them and more factual and neutral. Hang in there! Hopefully this fire will propel her in life and help her to always stand up for herself…if it doesn’t take you down in the meantime! You’re doing a great job!!!
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You're not alone and I hate to give advice that seems trivial, but I'll share my own thoughts anyways since you're already reaching out to professionals. When I'm able to stay calm, things in our house so much smoother. I find that when I focus on trying to fix or calm my daughter, I end up getting too wrapped up in her emotions and flying off the handle myself. Focusing on my own mindset gives her a calm target and place to land with me. If I can, I'll sit down on the floor with her, put a hand on her and says things like "I see you're upset but I can't understand you until you're calm. Let's take deep breaths together". I recognize it's not always feasible to do these emotional gymnastics at every stage of the day, but when I can afford it, it really helps. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's very difficult when the kids are going through a really hard time.
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I too have been here. I feel like every family has one kid that runs at an 11/10 at all times....mother loving exhausting!! and frustrating for sure.
So cool that you're doing OT. Trained experts are defintiely the right move. Can you get support for youself from a trained expert aka therapist? You might already be doing this as it sounds like you're very on top of things, but I also know that it's hard to create, make and pay for appts for the kids and mom at the same time....All that to say is hang in there and it sounds like you're doing everythigng right!
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Hi! We had a very similar situation and I worked with a Dr that looked at our daughter’s body as a whole and had us do a bunch of tests. Blood, stool sample, urine test and nose swabs etc. We found out she was very unbalanced, deficient in a few things and also had an infection in her nose we would have never known about. They helped us with a protocol and a few other supplements to put her on.
If your in Austin happy to provide who we went to, but for us we had to go to someone more than what are pedi provided. Still love my pedi, but this Dr helped us with all the different tests supplements etc
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I would agree 3 is VERY hard and emotional. If it persists to when older like 5, I would recommend doing behavioral therapy, it helped us a lot!!
There could be other issues contributing to the behaviors-possible adhd, sensory processing issues, etc.
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Hi! We had a very similar situation and I worked with a Dr that looked at our daughter’s body as a whole and had us do a bunch of tests. Blood, stool sample, urine test and nose swabs etc. We found out she was very unbalanced, deficient in a few things and also had an infection in her nose we would have never known about. They helped us with a protocol and a few other supplements to put her on.
If your in Austin happy to provide who we went to, but for us we had to go to someone more than what are pedi provided. Still love my pedi, but this Dr helped us with all the different tests supplements etc
@Orange-Vulture interested in who you see if you’re willing to share!
