Leaving Workforce/ SAHM - advice!
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Hi! Looking for advice and experience of people who have gone through similar situation. I have been working since my kids were born, and my oldest is 8 now. I am having trouble finding the balance and motivation to continue working this high stress (tech start up) job, and miss out on my kids younger ages.
Anyone have experience giving up their high paying careers for either part time or staying home?
Scared of the adjustment financially and not having any career at all.
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I can relate. I’m contemplating the same thing. It’s not even a time issue but a mental capacity issue. I’m tired of the deadlines and stress of answering to someone outside of my family. In the same breath I don’t think I’m wired to be a SAHM so I’m looking for something part time. Still nervous about the financial hit but hopefully will have more time to cook at home instead of picking dinner up etc
It’s just too much. Idk how anyone does it. The pace is not sustainable. -
@MotherShip ahhh the never ending struggle of mom life/work life balance. It is SO hard! I work in healthcare, so not bringing in tons of money so in a slightly different situation. However, I went from being full time in healthcare to not working at all for a year to stay home and I honestly ended up feeling resentful towards my kids and husband (nothing they said or did, just how I felt). I knew I needed some kind of work to balance it out so now I work part time and am very happy with that. I feel satisfied from work (even though I’m basically making enough to cover childcare and then a little extra 🤪) AND I can be there for my kids to pick them up, volunteer at school, etc. It helps my mental health to have something to call my own (work). As much as I would love to make more financially, I decided that I will have the rest of my life to make more money with a full time job when they’re older, but I won’t be able to get this time back when they’re young and want me at school events, etc. This is just my personal experience! Best of luck!
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The working mom life is harder than ever in our current world. It’s nonstop! I too work for a tech startup and about to hire a House Manager to help me with the household - laundry, groceries, meal prep, etc. the things that take up my time but that someone else can do for me. I’m personally not fit to be a SAHM (my kids are 1 & 3 and I can’t wait for daycare to reopen after 2 weeks of Christmas break!
) and I personally love bringing home the bacon and being able to provide. If you don’t to sacrifice the financial hit, can you outsource help so you have more quality time w your kiddos? -
It’s definitely a lot to work full time and raise little ones! I work in med device space and luckily have enough flexibility that I rarely miss out on the important stuff or drop off/pick up. I think finding a job that allows for this is important - and I know that’s rare! I do find myself taking home the work stresses mentally and my goal for 2025 is “peace.” So doing my best to leave work worries at the door.
It’s a personal decision to work or stay home. I personally love to work so wouldn’t want to Sahm but some thrive doing this! Choosing part time or another company with more flexibility may be a great option so you don’t leave the work world completely but feel supported in spending more time with your kids. If you do choose to stay home, you could always consult with a financial advisor to help map out what that looks like. It may help alleviate some stress of the unknown.
Hang in there mama! We got this!! -
Such a difficult decision and one that will take some time to figure out. If finances are not a big enough concern, it may be best to press pause on working to spend more time with your kids and their needs (school, health, activities, sports, etc). Making a list of pros and cons will be helpful to weigh the options. With everything getting more expensive and kids wanting to do more than they used to, I personally feel the need to work and provide for their desires/future, but everyone is different!
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I think it’s definitely personality and often takes trying staying home to see if it’s for you. I tried and just felt my mental health suffering so decided it wasn’t for me and I was a better mom if I was working outside the home. With that being said, I think having a job that is flexible makes all the difference in the world. If you’re able to figure out your job/a job that has the flexibility to do things like drop off/pickup, school events, time off when they have time off etc, it makes working and being a mom much more doable and “best of both worlds” type feeling. But again, everyone is different so maybe try it out and see if it’s for you! And if not, you’ll know.
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This is a really tough one because the downsides to both are pretty huge. On the one hand, you miss a lot of special moments when you work. On the other, you can wind up with a big gap in your own life. My kids are 16 and 13, so I’m about to have one leave and the other will be close behind her. I was home through all the stages. I had a thriving photography business that I quit to raise my kids. We’re not super wealthy, but we’re comfortable, so we didn’t suffer from me not working.
Your kids are going to be teenagers quicker than you realize and what surprised me was that I thought they would need me less as teenagers and they actually need me more. The stakes get higher as they get older and your relationship can become practically nonexistent. They get so busy with practices and schoolwork. They need a lot of emotional support. Socially, they’re facing a lot of pressure. If you aren’t the one driving them around, you miss out on all these critical conversations that aren’t going to happen later. Teenagers aren’t great at opening up, so you have to catch them in the sweet spot, which is in the car rides and around the dinner table.
Also, I’m going to say something controversial here, and this is true for kids of all ages (IMO), kids behave better and are more secure when the mom is raising them and not a nanny. By and large, nannies don’t discipline kids and keep boundaries. They can’t because they are an employee and afraid of losing their jobs and there’s nothing like having your mom there. I’m not saying you can’t be close to your kids, but it’s not as close as it would be had you stayed home and there’s nothing quite like having your mom around. Working moms are stressed out and hurried in a way stay at home moms aren’t. These days, a lot of moms are finding flexible situations. Working from home is super common. If you can find that situation, you can eke out a little of the best of both worlds. But, you’re still more pressed for time than other moms and you’re still more focused on work than you would be if you had no work.
I think the worst thing you can do when faced with the choice is delude yourself into thinking you can have it all. We make a sacrifice no matter what we choose as moms and it sucks.
When I regret my choice to be a SAHM, it’s because my working friends seem to have the self-esteem that comes with being an earner and “somebody” in the workforce. I don’t have that. I feel great about myself and I am fulfilled, but I felt more confident when I was working. It felt good to earn money and have something to talk about when those conversations came up.
Utimately, that wasn’t enough to make me keep my business going. I valued being with my kids more. I didn’t love working.
Let’s be real, though, the life of a SAHM is not glamorous! It can be boring as hell! Sometimes I feel like a housekeeper to three people.
If you choose to stay home, it’s important you do things for you. I’m writing a book. I love to garden. I love to work out and see my friends and host parties. I go to church. I volunteer at the school. My life is FULL. If you are introverted and not a self-starter, I don’t recommend this life. You have to have a social life and interests and GIRLFRIENDS. Relationships with other moms are critical.
I’m really scared of the empty nest! The mom’s I know who have gone through it are starting great second acts. They’re going back to work and stepping up their tennis games and visiting kids and traveling. It’s not the end of the world.
My best advice is be honest with yourself about who you are and what means most to you. Is this a career pivot situation? Maybe you’d be happy doing something else, working part time, etc. Just don’t make your decision to please someone else or meet some social standard or by thinking you can have it all. The costs are great no matter what you choose. Your decision has to be in line with your deepest self. That’s the only way you’ll feel fulfilled in the long run.
I find that when I’m faced with a big life choice like this, there is usually a small, calm voice in the center of me whispering what to do.
You got this!
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Could you prioritize your family while still working? That’s what I do. I volunteer at the school often more than a lot of SAHM bc I have childcare for my other kids. I work from home so I see them in the mornings and when they get home. I never work late. Don’t often do work dinners. I basically do just enough. BUT my career progression has suffered bc of this. Before kids I was climbing the ladder FAST and I’ve pretty much plateaued since becoming a mom. So you have to be okay about not reaching your full potential in your career.
I don’t necessarily think that these days you have to pick one. You’ll definitely always have to prioritize one depending on whatever makes sense for your current season.
I can’t speak to the nanny raising kids issue mentioned as we don’t have nannies but our preschool is so wonderful. My kids definitely were shaped at their school and learned/were reinforced morals, manners etc
I also don’t think you have to be with your kids 24/7 to be a good mom. I know a lot of SAHMs that are constantly numb and working moms who are refreshed to see their kids at pick up.It’s tough. Only you know what’s best for your fam and whatever you decide doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s just for right now 🤍
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Totally true. If you’re not meant to be a SAHM, you’ll be resentful or numbed out all the time and everyone will suffer. Better to be working in that situation. Also, my friends who continued working full time are so successful now. They’re running huge hospitals, talent agencies, etc and earning major salaries. It’s hard not to look at that and feel like I made a bad choice sometimes. But, I decided what I decided and I am happy for the things it gave me and it was a better choice for me. I have things they don’t have and they have things I don’t have. For those friends, it would have been a terrible choice to be SAHM. But, maybe when your kids are older, you will have more time and less pressures and your career will take off again. You’ll be so glad you kept working through the plateau.
One of the biggest issues I see, is both parents have to be on the same page. I have two close friends who are close to divorce because they wanted to stay home, but ended up being the primary earners. They resent their husbands for not making enough and their husbands feel like failures and overwhelmed.
Being a SAHM partially worked very well for me because my husband was very supportive of it. If he’d been resentful of the pressure, it would have been bad.
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Where do you feel most aligned? Bc that’s where you will be happiest. Both have pros and cons.
I worked for 10 years and took 1 year off. The change of pace was really nice. I got to do things I normally wasn’t able to do like declutter my house etc
I also wasn’t able to do things like shop as much, buy home decor, host friends at our house etc
Ultimately (after I recovered) I felt like I’m holistically better when I’m working. I just needed a less intense/stressful job. -
I had a very busy job that kept me away from my kids quite a bit. I stepped away from it and the opportunity to grow in my career because I saw the toll it was taking on my kids/family and my own mental health. I am still in the same field but have a job with better and more predictable hours. It has helped tremendously for our family and I have found that my guilt about being away from them and the mental exhaustion from that is gone. I think it’s important for my kids to see me work and my career, but not at the expense of missing out on their childhood and my happiness too. I’ve never regretted it and I don’t think you will either. I finally asked myself 10 years from now will I wish I had worked more or had more time with my kids and it helped me
to keep perspective when I walked away. -
I stopped working full time when my 3rd was born. I’m a CPA and worked really hard for my license and title at work. It was an extremely tough decision for me but I really wanted to be able to pick my kids up from elementary school which as we know ends super early! I eased into my new role as a SAHM by keeping part time/very flexible hours which was great but it fizzled out within a year. Now I’m a SAHM to four kids and I love it. I was basically a full time mom and a full time employee prior to this and it’s very nice to only have one title to focus on. And I rest knowing I can always start looking for another job when the time comes along. I still keep up with my former boss so I’m hoping he will rehire me if the need ever arises
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Hey there! Thanks for sharing—it’s a tough decision, and you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. Many working moms that I’ve worked with have faced similar crossroads, so I wanted to share a few options for you to consider:
1. Stay in your career, but make it work better for you.
Flexibility can be a game-changer. Sometimes, small adjustments can make a big difference. If your job is high stress but you enjoy the work, consider advocating for flexibility to better navigate work and family life.Here are some options:
- Work From Home: Even 1–2 days a week can help you feel more present at home while still contributing at work.
- Compressed Workweek: Work 3 longer days and have 4 days off with your family.
- Adjust Hours: Start earlier and end earlier to better align with your kids’ schedules.
- Job Sharing: Partner with a colleague to split a full-time role.
- Rework Your Job Description: Focus on what you love, reduce hours slightly, and delegate less-preferred tasks.
2. Lateral move.
If you love your company but not your role (or your boss), think about a shift to another team that’s less stressful or a better fit.3. Find a family-friendly employer.
If your current company just isn’t cutting it, it might be time to explore companies that offer flexibility, hybrid work, or a culture that values work-life balance.4. Go solo.
Consulting, freelancing, or starting your own thing could give you the freedom you’re craving, but it takes planning. Figure out what you’d offer, how much you’d need to earn, and start talking to your network.5. Pursue your purpose.
If your current work isn’t fulfilling, maybe it’s time to rethink what you really want. Ask yourself: “If money wasn’t a concern, what would I do?” Then take baby steps toward that dream.This is a big decision, but it’s clear you’re already putting thought into it. No matter which path you choose, remember that you’re not alone, and you’ve got this!
I’m here if you ever want to chat more 1:1.
Wishing you all the best,
Lauren
